Author: Carrie Page

Writer, Blogger, Published Poet, Student of Life, Free Spirit, Dreamer

Come Back Tomorrow!

Tomorrow, Friday, April 11, 2014 I will be posting the first 1000 (unedited) words of my book. Ok, it’s closer to 1100 words, but 1000 sounds better. I’m excited to have more than 1 set of eyes on my project. At the same time, I’m very nervous about putting “my baby” out there, subject to criticism. It is still very much a work in progress. It is entirely likely that the majority of these words will be rearranged by the time the book is completed. Regardless, I did extensive character development before a word was ever written. Even if the words do change, the characters will not. Tomorrow’s passage will introduce you to 3 of them.

After tomorrow’s sneak peek introduces you to the first few characters, future posts will explore their back stories through character interviews. I will continue to give away free looks at the book too, but upcoming excerpts will be shorter than what you get tomorrow. At a point the previews will have to stop so I don’t give up too many of the story’s twists. The goal is to have this thing completed before then so anyone interested can read it in its entirety.

It is important to note that the book is intended for adults, 18+. Many characters are felons and/or sociopathic. There is going to be some crude language. While it’s not Several Hues of a Bland Color, there are graphic scenes (for anyone not getting that reference, the book is not “mommy porn”). One such scene was shortened in tomorrow’s preview to make it more blog friendly. Those scenes are necessary to demonstrate character relationships, further physical descriptions, and develop the manipulative & callous nature of some characters. It is my goal to ensure that those scenes are not excessive or gratuitous.

I really do hope you enjoy the book’s opening. All feedback, good or bad, is welcome in the comments. However, please try to be constructive. I’ve only been writing for a few months. I haven’t developed my thick skin yet. Bear in mind that the editing phase will smooth some rough edges too. Don’t worry, the little orange dude in the featured photo is my editor. I’m in good paws.

Candy Girl

Jester for children of royals,
They love her spoils.
Beyond the mask,
They do not ask.

They simply call her Candy Girl.
Her name is Pearl,
But they don’t care,
Just bring more fare.

Greedily they consume her snacks,
Then they attack.
They mock and scoff
And send her off.

Clouds Like Shades

He was the moon,
The nights that it shone full,
His beams of light danced upon
The dark waters of my soul.

He was the vital sun,
Evoking my heart’s fire,
Torridity of his rays
Stoking my desire.

“I’ve fallen out of love with you”
His words came with a blow.
Like a fool I stood there mute,
And silently watched him go.

My psyche lay in ruins,
Robbed its luminescence.
I wept for him hollow tears
Alone there in his absence.

He’d pulled clouds like shades
Over my window to the skies.
He ushered in eternal nightfall
And denied me my sunrise.

Reluctant Muse

Reluctant muse
Bends to his will.
She would resist
But is vulnerable still.
In her best interest
Led to believe.
Poor little girl,
So very naive.

 

Photo courtesy of Kaosgudinden on DeviantArt.com

What If…

This poem requires explanation. It was written over two decades ago. As a teen and young adult, I struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide. In my early works, I rarely wrote about anything but suicide or death. If I had not been able to express my internal conflict through poetry, I honestly don’t know if I would be here today. Eventually I sought treatment. Unfortunately the treatment was not conducive to creativity. It was one of several reasons that I did not write for over ten years. Still, I wouldn’t change anything. I am happy and healthy now. I found my voice again too.

However, it should not have taken me as long as it did to talk to someone. There is this unspoken taboo when it comes to suicide. I wanted to be remedied, but I didn’t want to ask anyone for help. I was humiliated that I couldn’t just pull myself together and be normal. I assumed my friends and family were too busy to bother with my strife or thought I was just looking for attention. If any of this resonates with you, please pay attention to this… There are millions of people out there that have the same stuggles. Sometimes all they need or want is someone who can relate to them. If you don’t trust anyone around you, call a hotline, see a professional, or find a group. THERE ARE OTHERS LIKE YOU. You will find support in their ranks. You are not alone. You are not a freak. You’re a little off the beaten path and that’s ok. Find a guide to lead you back. They are out there. Can’t find yours? I’m right here; talk to me. Believe it or not, people do care.

I think back often and wonder “What if?”.  What if any of my attempts had been successful? What if my Mom found me and this poem? What if I had never found my way? I’m thankful I only have to wonder. I’m thankful for everyday of this life. I’m thankful that you’re reading this for the right reasons and my family never read it for the wrong ones.

My time has come,
I bid you goodbye.
I’m taking this chance
To explain to you why.

I am filled with hate.
Love? I have none.
No love for life,
No love for anyone.

I had long been dead
Before my heart stopped beating.
I lack emotion.
My life has no meaning.

There’s nothing you could do
So please don’t ask why.
My time has come,
I bid you goodbye.