mourning

Yearning

SFoxWriting’s Alphabet Challenge ~ “Y”

Yearning

Six months ago today
She drew her last breath.
Her grace and her beauty
Unfazed by her death.

He sees her still
As he gazes into night.
She lingers there waiting
In a beam of moonlight.

Her palm extended
She beckons him come.
He cannot resist her,
His beloved phantom.

In the ray of light
They dance and they laugh,
They love and they sing
Like she had not passed.

But his truth lies where
The sunlight is burning.
His post-twilight visions
Merely a symptom of yearning.

Image courtesy of DeviantArt.com

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Raw & Real

SFoxWriting’s Alphabet Challenge ~ “R”

First and foremost, Happy International Day of Poetry! Also, happy 96th birthday to my Minga! She is my paternal grandmother. I couldn’t say “Grandma” when I was little; it came out “Minga”. My kids and I still call her that to this day. She is a remarkable woman.

While there is much to celebrate, it is bittersweet. Today is also the anniversary of my maternal grandfather’s passing. He was younger than my mother is now when he left this world. It was a life-changing event for many.

Days like today are exactly why I write. I’m jubilant. I want to celebrate. Not everyone my age still has a living grandmother. I have two, both of whom celebrate birthdays this month. They bring great happiness into this world. I am so fortunate. At the same time, I’m melancholy and filled with regret. While I have my grandmas, I don’t have my grandpas. I wasn’t as close to my maternal grandfather as I should have been. There are all sorts of reasons why, none of which are important to me now. I should have known him better. I should have visited more. Conversely, I was very close to my paternal grandfather. He was a character larger than life. He too would also have celebrated a birthday this month. My eyes well with tears as I type. I miss them both. Words, be they stories or poetry or simple ramblings, are therapeutic. It’s an incredible mechanism for dealing with such extreme conflicts of emotion.

On the day my grandfather passed 25 years ago, the words that helped me cope came in the form of poetry:
Dear Grandpa,
Just where do I start?
There are so many
Things in my heart.

I loved you so much,
I now miss you the same.
You had a special touch.
When I needed it, you came.

Why did I wait ‘til now –
Until it was too late,
To tell you how I feel,
To say “Grandpa, you’re great!”?

I am so sorry!
It just isn’t fair.
There was no warning
No time to tell you “I care”.

Everyone tells me,
“Be strong for your Mom”,
But who’s being strong for me
Now that you’re gone?

I loved you too.
I know I wasn’t the greatest,
But the words I say are true.

Grandpa, I miss you,
And I will always, always love you.

I know, it’s not exactly a masterpiece painted of words. However, it’s raw. It’s real. It’s a 15 year old kid figuring out how to deal with death for the first time. It’s something I last read years ago. It stirs up some powerful stuff even after all of this time. Mom, I’m sorry. I know this post will be tough for you.

On an unrelated note, but while I’m being real, there is one more quick thing… Yesterday I blogged my 50th post. It was a thrilling milestone. I don’t know if it was my excitement, if I rushed, if I was careless or lazy or what, but after my post had been published for several hours, I found a typo. I was mortified. Immediately I scrambled to correct it, but could only think of those who had already seen it. It gets better. Several more hours passed before another typo was brought to my attention – complete, total, utter humiliation (combined with extreme gratitude for the friend who pointed it out so I could fix it). I realize that everybody who read yesterday’s post, my 50th no less, saw my errors. I couldn’t just let that go. I had to say something. My readers, I apologize. I am sincerely sorry.

“You might not write well every day, but you can always edit a bad page. You can’t edit a blank page.” ~Jodi Picoult

Missing

SFoxWriting’s Alphabet Challenge ~ “M”

This is not at all what I intended to write about when this letter came around. However, a gut-wrenching image taken of the families of those missing aboard Malaysian Airlines 370 quickly changed my mind.

Conjecture
Reported as fact
Odious
Intention
Today’s impervious truth
Tomorrow denied

Fingers point
Accusations fly
Did it crash?
Did it land?
The agony of loved ones
Is not the story

Grim faces
Twist in agony
Used to sell
Articles
Grieving images stolen
Yet stories untold

Too wrapped up
In the mystery
The intrigue
The missteps
Our humanity is lost
When empathy fails

Little Angel

For Julie & Jason
In memory of Caleb ~

The very day we met you
We had to say good-bye,
And send you off to heaven
Where holy angels fly.

In our dreams we’ll see you smile,
And there we will hear you talk.
Our home will echo with your laughter.
In our hearts you’ll learn to walk.

You will be remembered
With each and every passing day,
Missed, loved, and adored
In every possible way.

For now God will carry you
Safely in his arms.
Loving you as we do,
Protecting you from harm.

One day we will join you
As we take our place in heaven.
God will hand you back to us —
Together once again.

TinyFeet

Tiny little feet, giant footprints on our hearts.

‘Til Death Do Us Part

The lights of an oncoming truck slammed against the windshield with blinding force. Todd Gibson was instantly robbed of his vision. Being unable to see the winding road ahead of him, Todd fought to keep the tires on the pavement. The unfamiliar turns and rocky terrain were too much. In a moment of panic he grasped his sleeping bride by her arm, “Jen!” Jennifer woke with a start as their car plummeted down a steep, rocky ravine. In an instant, it was over.

1mountain_road

Despairingly, Jennifer turned toward her new husband. She knew immediately that his life had fled him. “No!” she choked, “No Todd, it’s not fair…” she heard her own voice fade into merely a whisper. It had only been a few hours since Jennifer and Todd’s honeymoon began. Struggling to remain conscious, her mind wandered to the beautiful day prior. The day Jennifer and Todd had taken their vows and become man and wife. Now, “until death do us part”, had in reality, been only a matter of moments. She thought back just a few hours earlier as they were to begin their trip to the mountains. Todd opened the door to their SUV for her and lightheartedly said, “Mrs. Gibson, your chariot awaits”.

1wedding-photography

With all of the energy she could gather, Jennifer reached out and feebly grasped Todd’s hand. She tried to find some sense in what had just happened, but her mind was becoming unclear, and an eerie darkness closed in around her…

Jennifer found herself alone in a strange, ominous world. Ahead of her was only more of the same cold blackness, but from behind her, Jennifer felt a comforting warmth. She turned toward the source of the heat to see a brilliant blue light. Inside of this majestic glow was the hazy shadow of a man. She was sure it was God. Knowing she would find comfort and safety with Him, Jennifer started toward the silhouette. The shadow became clearer as she drew closer. The figure offered his hand as if to beckon her, guide her to him. However, from deep within the darkness, Jennifer began to hear voices…

1ManinVision

They were mere whispers at first, but gradually they grew stronger. She recognized these voices. They were those of family, friends, her loved ones. Again she turned toward the inviting light; the shadowy figure grew closer still. As she turned back once more to the haunting darkness, the voices of her loved ones were unmistakable. Jennifer longed desperately to run to them, to mourn her loss with them, to let them comfort her. Still something in the light held her there. Finally, as she stared once more into the welcoming illumination, she knew what it was. The shadowy figure wasn’t God; it was her husband. It was Todd. Jennifer realized now that there was life in the darkness and death in the light.

Instantaneously the light dimmed, and the voices faded. It was time for Jennifer to make a choice or risk being trapped in this dark abyss for an eternity. She wanted so terribly to be with her loved ones, but losing Todd forever was more than she could bear.

Jennifer Gibson died at 11:37 p.m., on the evening of June 22, 2013.

1Gibson

 

 

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