Restless demons
Rattle their cage
Gnash savage teeth
Demand release,
Weary sentry
Resolve worn thin
Grants their pardon
And damns us all.
Image, Caged Hell, courtesy of spoofdecator on DeviantArt.com
Restless demons
Rattle their cage
Gnash savage teeth
Demand release,
Weary sentry
Resolve worn thin
Grants their pardon
And damns us all.
Image, Caged Hell, courtesy of spoofdecator on DeviantArt.com
very well formed poem. A suggestion though, i found myself saying the word “in” at the end of the last line. Maybe try adding that and see how it sounds. One word may not change much but it will surely compliment your rhyme, just a suggestion. The poem is still a great work of art.
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First and foremost, I am genuinely thrilled that you took time to not only provide feedback but constructive suggestions! I need more comments like this! I see exactly what you are saying. I had initially just concerned myself with 4-syllables-per-line, but could have reworked that last line to also incorporate rhyme, which would have been even better. THANK YOU!
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Schweeeet!
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